Now I see why the Catholics like to confess so much.

I really did feel guilty that I invaded my friends space...even if it was in the vein of self preservation.

I felt so guilty...so I called him over and I told him what I did and I told him why I did it, and I suggested that he changes his password, since I was the one who originally set up the account.

Funny how your mind blows things up out of proportion, and when you get it out on the table its not so bad as it seems....

Ahhhh.....I feel so much better. I won't do that again.

Well kinda, maybe....and maybe not.

Perhaps I did this in the vein of self preservation....but then again...I am a baaaaaaad person.

A couple of posts ago, I made mention that I was kinda messing with the idea of th old main squeeze....Welllll

I stayed away from that, noticing that he had many of the old behaviors that use to drive me nutts. Mainly he seemed to have many secrets. He use to always tell me that was just the way he was....

So last night as I was sitting in the quiet of a Sunday evening.....eeekkkks, I hacked his e-mail.

Yes I did.

I could of always done this, but I chose to not do it. I don't know what was different about last night...perhaps, I knew I was drifting back to something not so great...

Yup.....I was right. He's a big time player. All the things he would say to me, he says as part of his shtick.

At first I was mortified.....and I feel a tad guilty...but not all the way guilty.

I also feel pretty happy that I did not step back into that stuff again.

LOL...OMG.....can't believe I did that.

But now I know and I don't feel so bad....

We were....how do you say....seeing each other...for 5 years in a very strange kinda way.

I always knew in the back of my heart he was like that....I just never chose to confirm it.

Now I know....I'm wondering if this is a good thing or a bad thing....Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Poor Daisy has been having some emotional issues a false pregnancy...she runs around the house carrying a toy and whining at me...

So happy to say that I have fallen back into the zone...that means not using food as my security blanket, my "feel good" tool.

Finally I have gotten back into eating mean and lean. O boy....do I have long way to go. I got fat....

Its going to take months...but that's okay. I'm just happy to have some control back. The dowdies had indeed set in....and I'm back to the gym, which is crucial to my state of mind, and has returned to being somewhat more positive.

Still plugging away at the herb business. I have not had any real growth...but HEY that is not bad considering what is happening around us. Pretty scary times, and its paying my bills.

I just filled out the papers for my very last semester, most of the classes are clinic...I sit for the national board exams Jan or Feb...which means that I will be a national certified acupuncturist. Ahhhhhh....5 long years...

On to the next step...looking into PhD programs...thinking about oncology...Waiting to see where the wind blows me.

Its so hot here...wildfires are raging, and the earth feels scotched. We're lucky that San Diego has avoided the fires thus so far. Its such a strange time of year when it gets so dry and hot, feels like Dante's Inferno.

Nothing new on the housing front....stay tuned...never a dull moment here on Sassafras st.

I started flirting around with the idea of seeing my ole main squeeze.....Big Mistake.

I guess it is was the superficial side of me that was the motivating factor. He is turning 50 this month and in celebration he got himself in top notch shape and is doing a show to strut his renewed physique (he is an ex body builder). Yes indeed....he does look mighty tasty.

But none the less...we're the same people with the same views....that just don't jive, and I am feeling like I let myself get sucked back into a situation that could go no where, not that I wanted to go anywhere....because we can't agree on much at all...another mistake AGAIN.

I keep making bad judgments, and at some level I know I'm making these mistakes when I do it....I guess that's better than not knowing that I'm doing them...right?

Geez...some one call a shrink Pleeeeze!

This is a pic off of my new crack berry...I love the thing, don't know how I lived without it. Haven't posted pictures of the pooches in awhile....

its from my crack berry.....it does everything, even has a game on it that I love to play. However I have become a slave to it....every time the message bell goes off, I have to run over to it and read the most current e-mail etc.

Great picture of Dr. Pink Pinkerton....I blog using him as my muse...and I refer to him as Dr. Pink Pinkerton and The PawHealer.....I have that other blog that I post pictures of our success stories....and I write as if I am Dr. Pink Pinkerton...it's very tongue and cheek...or at least I think so....

Anyway...I have to laugh...about every two weeks, someone will call and ask for Dr. Pink Pinkerton...heheheheheh.

I just tell them he's not in at the moment....

Wow...awesome....whata night to behold.

I have never been apart of any movement, and to be a part of this moment in history just drove me to tears...it was an awesome sight, just unbelievable and pretty darn neat.

Watching people crying in the crowds, listening to his words....just breath taking.

A remarkable evening I will always remember.

Its feels like Christmas....all the hype and the hoopla.......and now its almost over.....THANK GOODNESS!

I am pretty excited to be a part of these times, its pretty neat....

So what's new with the PawHealing family.

We're hanging in here. We're still trying to figure out what's going on with the house and all of that. Mark finally found a lawyer that is representing other folks who got themselves into the same bind with this real estate deal and have been taken to the cleaners.

The Las Vegas news papers have been doing articles about the company that has robbed him (us). Still such bad decisions on his part, even when it looked like the deal was falling apart, the monetary decisions that he made.....spending every last dime until there was not a penny left, and not being able to see the road he was traveling....pitiful...for all of us.

The lawyer is throwing the seven properties in a case of mortgage fraud, which it was. The case is also potentially being bumped up to a class action law suit.....

Although there is a tad of a glimmer of hope for me.....it still feels very strange to walk around a house that I have owned for 13 years, and not know if it will be mine in the next 9 months.

It's so complicated, sometimes I think the best answer is to just walk away from the mess, and move on.....

I do have to admit since I have lived here, my life experiences have not been my "top ten"....I can't decided if I want to stay here because that's what I have done for the last 13 years and its familiar....and I do have a love for this house....although when I think back....it has not been a great time....

Or is it that I can't see myself anywhere else? I don't think it's fear, I think it's a comfort zone type of thing.

Honestly, I feel for the past seven years I have been somewhat frozen in time...not much has changed...

Is that good or bad?